Looking Back on 2008

Hey, everybody! Can you believe it’s already the end of December? Soon we will be ushering in 2009!

It’s been an insane year, not only for me but the entire LGBT community. In this year alone, in some places same-sex couples have gained or regained the right to marry, only to lose it again. The next year will bring the California Supreme Court decision regarding Prop 8, and gay-rights activists are on pins and needles waiting for a decison. The election year brought about many wins for liberal Americans; however gays and lesbians were dealt blows at almost every turn. Gay marriage bans passed in Arizona, California, and Florida. Alabama passed a ballot measure to deny gays the right to adopt. We were knocked down, but we are slowly catching our breath and getting back up, ready to fight the discrimination we’ve been given. President-elect Barack Obama has promised to end “don’t ask, don’t tell” so gays and lesbians can freely serve their country in the military. His views on gay rights are admittedly sketchy, but much better than McCain’s. With a Democratic majority in both houses of Congress, perhaps we can reach some victories for the LGBT community.

My own year has been eventful. In March, I finally overcame my own fears and came out, proving to be the single most pivotal point of my life so far. I was amazed by the overwhelming acceptance of my family, friends, and peers; I did not expect such a large and deep acknowledgment. I have had to handle homophobia and discrimination, but I’ve done so quite well. My newfound self esteem allowed me to create this blog in an effort to help others in my situation.

In August, I began my senior year of high school and my second year at my job at the local public library. Both have provided exciting new challenges for me.

Fall also brought luck to my love life. After a short, online relationship with my (technically) first official boyfriend, I embarked on a relationship with my current boyfriend, Dakota. I often joke that he has the second greatest boyfriend in the world (and I have the first greatest), and I mean it. He’s a loving, intelligent young man and super-cute to top it off. I’m so lucky. It’ll be two months in January, and the greatest two months of my life at that. I wasn’t really looking to fall in love, but damn if I haven’t.

I'm so ready for 2009. I’m looking forward to Prom with Dakota, graduation, college, and whatever life throws my way. I’m at a point in my life where I’ve evolved immensely in a short time. I feel invincible! I can handle anything that I must face! I implore you to evolve your life in the next year (I’ve stopped now, so why not keep going?). I personally want to make this site bigger and better, and reach more people! Good luck with all your endeavors, and have a great holiday, no matter which one you celebrate!

Day Without a Gay-The Protest

Hey, everybody! I’m gonna go ahead and cut to the chase, folks: it’s time for some activism!

On Wednesday, December 10, is a nation-wide protest against Proposition 8. This protest, called Day Without A Gay, is an attempt to show the nation the impact the gay community has on the economy, society, and other aspects of life by excluding ourselves from society for a day. LGBTs are encouraged to call into work “gay” and not make any purchases as to stimulate the economy. Instead, they are encouraged to volunteer with gay-rights programs. I’m very excited to participate. I’ve taken off from work and plan a silent protest in school that day. Hopefully I can find an opportunity to volunteer my time instead of work.

I was a little wary about this effort at first. After all, for me to just skip school would have such little impact, not to mention the fact that missing school would seriously be a bad idea with finals and the school I’ve missed so far. So, I decided I would do my own little thing and come to school anyway.

This is my goal: I will attend school as usual. However, I will be completely rainbowed-out. I mean head to toe. I’ll do it a lot like Day of Silence: I will not speak or communicate with my teachers or peers in any way. My only form of communication will be a slip of paper that explains my silence so I won’t get in (as much) trouble. I think I’ll be alone on this (unlike last year during Day of Silence when I had others participating) but I don’t care. It will be tough, but I can handle it. I am anticipating some resistance from our administration, but that’s nothing I can’t handle.

Hopefully, I can get the literature (information cards explaining the day) on the site before Wednesday so you all can use it. I’ll be doing those either tonight or tomorrow. I also have to make a shirt and gather my other supplies.

If you are interested in participating within your school, I have a few tips to make your protest successful:
1. Make sure your apparel is within the school dress code. If it’s not, it’s an easy way for your administration to shut you down without infringing your rights.
2. The point of a silent protest is so it doesn’t create a “distraction”. That’s another way administrations stop protests.
3. If you can get some friends to help, that’s always a plus. There is strength in numbers. If you can’t find anyone, at least find someone to defend you if a peer or teacher antagonizes you.
4. Don’t use this as an excuse to not do school work. Part of the point of doing a protest in this form is being able to be at school and complete schoolwork. That is the only thing you should be doing unless the circumstances require otherwise.

Hopefully, this will be a success. It’s the first year this has been done. For more information, visit www.daywithoutagay.com. It gives details on how to successfully protest (they don’t explain my methods, but there’s other helpful hints) and list different volunteer opportunities in your area. GOOD LUCK!

The Importance of Sex Ed

Warning: the following post contains a frank, tactful discussion of sexual topics. If you are offended by such topics, feel free to not read it. You have been warned, so I don’t want to hear any complaining about that aspect.

Today at lunch, we were discussing relationships and my relationship with Dakota came up. One girl, who isn’t homophobic at all by the way, was totally confused by the concept of anal sex, not understanding how it works and why anyone would do it. She didn’t get how it wasn’t necessarily painful and why even same-sex couples needed to use condoms. I tried to explain as best as possible without instigating the imminent giggling and awkwardness that come with such discussions. I was not very successful. Finally, I gave up and told her she should ask her health teacher. She seemed wary to do so, but the conversation was over.

It took me back to my days as a freshman sitting in PE during the health unit. As I remember, we only spent a few weeks on sex education, occupying the rest of the time with other aspects of health. I strained to remember the lessons I learned in class (I had also learned about sex from other sources, and it all sort of melded together). The only constant in my thoughts was that I really didn’t learn much from my teacher. The only lesson I really remember is calculating the cost to have a baby. Contraception was barely mentioned, and what I thought would be a very important subject, masturbation, was completely non-existent. Basically, I had no truly practical knowledge of sex, heterosexual or homosexual. I had no idea how to use a condom, or anything that I would have to use as I became sexually active. It wasn’t like the class was abstinence only, but vague teaching made any experience impossible to gain.

I’ve always been frustrated by the state of sex education in our nation. All too much, teens like my peers and I have to turn to other sources to learn about intercourse. This is very dangerous, and can lead to hazardous online interaction, pornography addictions, and unrealistic or false expectations. As a gay teen, I was particularly frustrated. Let’s not pretend: teenagers have sex. They need education they can use, not a PG blanket education that does not prepare them for real life. If they teach abstinence, they need to teach alternatives to sex. They should teach the importance of using protection for gay and straight couples alike.

Conservative types often argue that such teachings would increase sexual activity in teens. However, I personally believe it’s worth the risk as compared to leaving it as a mysterious entity to be discovered without any knowledge. If parents don’t like that their kids are being taught frank sexual advice, then they should teach their child. Frankly, most are too lazy and just want to complain. It’s these types that I wish would’ve definitely learned to use contraception, because they shouldn’t be parents if they don’t care enough to handle their child’s development through puberty, which are very treacherous years for everyone.

My point is to deliver this message to the teenagers themselves: demand a true education. Don’t just sit in class as your head fills with dozens of questions that never get answered. It might be embarrassing, but isn’t that embarrassment better than the shame of a child or an STD? Take charge, my peers. Until adults get their act together, it is up to you to handle it. Be wary of other sources, as they can lead you down the wrong path (the internet and religious sources are poor sources).
Above all, don’t become sexually active unless you are prepared emotionally and mentally. That’s the best protection.

A Tribute to Britney Spears

Hey everybody! Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile. I’ve been really sick. I had viral gastroenteritis, and I’ve missed some school and work. I think I’m still getting over it but for the most part I’m better.

Not a lot has been going on for me otherwise. Missing school has taken its toll for sure. I don’t know how long it will take me to make everything up, but I’m in it for the long haul. I’ve been busy getting ready for Christmas and trying to find some cheap gifts for all my friends. I have to buy my senior pictures soon so I’m a little strapped for cash. Of course, I’m also buying my tickets for the Britney Spears concert on April 2nd, 2009 at the Sprint Center in Kansas City, Missouri. I CAN’T WAIT!!!! My friend Lyndsay, Dakota, and I will be in the crowd cheering on our favorite pop idol. Actually, Circus came out yesterday and since I ordered the deluxe edition off of Amazon, it won’t be in until later today (yeah, I totally sprung for one-day shipping). When I get home, it’ll probably be waiting for me. NO SLEEP TONIGHT!

I haven’t always been a huge Britney fan. However in the past two years I’ve started to listen to her music and can officially say I’m an addict. She swiftly became my favorite musician and I idolize the pop princess. If you had the pleasure of catching her documentary that recently premiered on MTV, you can see that Britney is just another lonely soul in the game of life. It might seem trite, but it made me cry. Even a fan as great as myself was expecting some sort of boo-hoo pity party, but they asked the tough questions. It was deep. I was blown away.

I've defended my girl throughout the crazy times. After all, she is a human being and deserves to be treated like one. My peers teased me for this, but it didn’t matter. Hell, I’m an outsider the way it is. I relate.

I’m so excited for Britney. I hope she can get her life back on track. And for those of you who say she’s a talentless whore, I beg to differ. Would we be talking about her after a decade long career if she did not have some bit of star quality? She’s edgier, provocative, and always on our minds. Good luck, Britney. This post is dedicated to you!

Don’t forget: you can listen to Circus with the playlist on the side bar of my site for free. But don’t settle for that! Go to Itunes and download it or go out and buy the CD. It’s so worth it!

Being Thankful and Giving Thanks

Hey, everybody! It’s that time of year again when families comes together to enjoy the winter holidays. This week is Thanksgiving, so I figured I’d write about some of the things that I am thankful for.

What does it mean to be thankful, exactly? This thought did cross my mind. Does it mean that you acknowledge and appreciate something or someone who enriches your life? Does it mean you respect some aspect of your life but not necessarily tell it to the world? It’s hard to tell. I guess everyone has to come up with his or her own definition.

If we do chose to acknowledge such an aspect, whom do we thank? Religious types wish to thank whomever they worship for bringing the aspect into their lives. Or should we thank who or whatever personally for being there?

Also, at what point do we draw the line for what and what not to be thankful for? Should material items be valid? An X-Box may affect your life but does it make you shallow to be grateful for that? Do we thank the negatives in our lives? Surely they do make us who we are (for better or worse). Just because something negative is in your life doesn’t mean the long-term effect is negative. For example, growing up in a house of abuse could empower one to create change for young ones with similar situations. Fate is a fickle and funny thing. You never how every little thing can shape your future. So by that respect shouldn’t you thank those who do you harm?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m the only one with the time on my hands to contemplate such mind-boggling things. Trust me, I’ve had plenty of both positive and negative that have made me the person I am. The thing that really gets me is that I am not yet fully formed as an individual. At what point does this happen? We are ever changing; time amends us physically if not emotionally. So until the moment that we die, aren’t we a new person with every second? And who is to say for sure whether or not the metamorphism does not continue after earthly death? I don’t pretend to know whether or not something exists beyond the earthly form. It is not my place to know (at least at this moment in time).

It’s so confusing. But then it hit me that trying to find the meaning of life is not living. Not that such deep thought is a waste of time, but shouldn’t I be out enjoying my life? Of course, if pondering is what makes you happy, go for it. But otherwise, go forth and be free, trusting that whatever waits for you is good and deserving. I don’t believe in ends. I don’t think anything ever ends. As long as it was here, it stays in some form or another, whether it is the fossilized remains of a dinosaur or stories of segregation from the 1940s immortalized in the pages of a book.

But I digress. I personally have so much to be grateful for. So many people enrich my life. If I forget you, I’m sorry. It’s completely unintentional.

First, I’d like to thank my parents. They gave me life and raised me to be the proud person that I am today. Just because we do not agree on everything does not mean I do not have immense respect for you. For better or worse you made me who I am, even if not always directly.

Next I’d like to think my teachers from throughout the years. You gave me the education I need to succeed in the real world. Not everything you taught came from books, however. So many life lessons spilled from your founts of knowledge. I commend you for all of that.

Next, I’d like to thank the friends and enemies I’ve had all my life. These outside life experiences have shaped the way I interact with others.

Now, down to some specific people.

Shauni Lloyd, the best friend I could ever wish for.

Dakota Johnston, an amazing first love and incredible boyfriend.

Matt Combes, the person who got me through the hardships and helped me come to terms with being gay.

Sandy Loucks, the single greatest teacher EVER and the reason I’m so resilient. Without her amazing green pen, this blog would not be here.

Madonna and Britney Spears, for giving me something to rock out to as I change the world!

Fred Phelps, a reminder that I am the not the craziest person on the planet.

Lastly, I’d like to thank my readers. Without you, this whole blog means nothing. Thank you so much for giving me purpose.

Gays aren't the only ones who want equality

Hey everybody. I wasn’t going to make this post, but I ran across an article online and just had to comment.

An atheist organization called Colorado Coalition of Reason (COCORE) in my neighboring state of Colorado is promoting their message and beliefs in a series of 11 billboards: 10 around metro Denver and 1 in Colorado Springs. They will be up November 17 so as to be visible for this holiday season.

Of course, various Christian groups have discredited the tactics. From claiming the billboards are merely a desperate attempt to downplay Christianity to stating that the atheists are ignoring the “evidence” that the Bible is true (faith, they say is enough to prove an Almighty Being), they have been denouncing the action.

Anyway, the billboards have a blue sky scene background (with clouds) that read “Don’t believe in God? You are not alone.” The website for the group www.PhillyCOR.com along with a hotline (1-800-NEW-REASON) is also on the sign.

Now, I vowed to keep this a non-religious site. My blog is about sexual orientation, not religion. I was about to brush this story off until I read further. Apparently, the group wanted to put signs up in the towns of Fort Collins and Greeley, but the billboard company there refused to carry the message so as not to offend the Christian population.

COCORE rejects this based on the First Amendment. Joel Guttormson of Metro State Atheists said, "And I've read the First Amendment up and down, and nowhere does it say that I have to care about your feelings. We're either 10 to 16 percent of the population, and the reason we don't really know is because people are scared to come out because they're ostracized by the people around them.”

Okay, does anyone else see the similarity between this and sexual orientation? I could use the same quote to justify this blog or being out and proud. Of course, I’m not insinuating COCORE is anti-gay (I’d hope not, being an atheistic group and all). My point is that Mr. Guttormson is right! Even though he may have come across as a real jackass, his statement is true.

By that same justification, however, the Westboro Baptist Church has every right to spread their homophobic and ludicrous beliefs. So does every other anti-gay group. It doesn’t mean their message is correct, but they do have every right to spread it. I know these people piss us off, but we just have to take it in stride and remember that the amendment works both ways. This blog is proof of that. I do respect Fred Phelps’ right to tell me that I’ll burn in some sort of fiery place underground after I die and that my homosexuality caused Hurricane Katrina, even though I think the man is a conflict-loving, bitter sociopath (and don’t say he’s gay, either. We do not need to be affiliated with that loony) and his message is a grossly interpreted part of the Bible.

Guttormson also said the billboard were "to let non-believers, free-thinkers and atheists know that they are not alone, especially in a country like ours that is predominantly Christian." Heck, replace a couple words and there’s another description of my goals with Rural Rainbow.

So anyone who doesn’t agree with this blog, there you go. If you hate it that much, go make your own.
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/17977308/detail.html#- My source for this post

BTW- did anyone else notice how much “COCORE” sounds like “coke whore?” LOL-just had to point that out.

GREAT NEWS!!!

Hey everybody! Even though Prop 8 was passed in California, we have new hope as the LGBT community.

Connecticut has officially began same-sex marriage!

On Wednesday, November 12, 2008, Judge Jonathan Silbert entered final judgment and finally allowed gay and lesbian couple tie the knot. The ruling also makes any laws that prevent such unions illegal.

Connecticut is currently only the second state to have legal gay marriage (until California gets Prop 8 turned over). While Californians voted for a marriage amendment, the people of Connecticut rejected a ballot measure that amended their
constitution. This is incredible news for the gay rights movement. I was personally unaware there was such a measure on the Connecticut ballot (I figured that when their Supreme Court ruled in favor of equality on October 10th that “traditionalists” couldn’t get their amendment on the ballot until the next election).

There are more than 9,500 same-sex couples in the state according to studies conducted by the UCLA (University of California). They estimate that about 3,000 couples will marry in the next year, and 4,700 in the next three.

This is very exciting. Connecticut may not have much influence as California, but to be frank, we really anything we can get right now. Prop 8 really screwed us over. Now that we have another state where the decision is secure from bigotry and being overturned, we are taking another step in equality.

Connecticut was also to first state to approve civil unions.

It gets me wondering: which state will be the next? I know it’s not gonna be Kansas (that doesn’t really matter to me; I have no plans of marrying before I get out of this hell hole). I hope the decision comes soon. I’d love to see the Democrats add a constitutional amendment about marriage-something along the lines of “no state shall limit or prohibit marriage based on gender.”

Some say America isn’t ready for full equality. I do agree. But was Arkansas ready in the 1960s when the Supreme Court ordered racial integration? Nope. They got over it really quickly though. It’s time the religious right gets the same medicine.

I have hope. I know one day gays and lesbians will not be second-class citizens. Until then, it’s time to fly that rainbow flag and spread the word the word of anti-prejudice. I don’t believe that there’s a “homosexual agenda,” but heck, maybe it’s time to put one together.

A True Disappointment

Hey guys. Apparently, California’s Proposition 8 passed on Tuesday with a vote of 52.5% to 47.5%. Damn. This is major step backwards for the equality movement. It is truly a sad day for the LGBT community. It’s not yet official, but it’s looking like that’s the way the vote is going.
But there is still hope. Three different groups, the American Civil Liberties Union, Lambda Legal and the National Center for Lesbian Rights have petitioned to the California Supreme Court to block the ban, citing several reasons.
First of all, they argue the new amendment goes against the very core of the original document that promises equality for all. The amendment is out-right discrimination: blocking one group (gay and lesbian Californians) from a basic fundamental right. Since a major goal of the state constitution is protect minorities from the majority, they argue the new amendment is not valid.
Another argument of the lawsuit states that an amendment of this magnitude is not a direct decision of the citizens. While the constitution allows private citizens to make minor changes to document through the initiative process, only state legislature can make amendments that change the very core of the constitution. Prop 8 does this. The legislature has to decide whether or not to put it on the ballot with such amendments. Since this was not the case, the entire process was illegal.
This is not the first petition the groups have sent. Before the election even occurred, they submitted a list of similar arguments to prevent the measure from even being on the ballot. It was dismissed (without addressing it), so no precedent was sent by that ruling. According to the NCLR, the courts often avoid such disputes. Typically, they will wait and see what happens at the polls before they do consider the legal arguments. They believe now that the prop may pass, the court will evaluate the new petition.
The courts have struck down improper voter initiatives before. In 1990, they struck down an amendment that changed the constitution and stripped the courts their rights of being the independent interpreters of the constitution in certain cases.
The California Attorney General backs the group in another statement that urges the state to honor the marriages of the 18,000 same-sex couples.
So we still have hope. Hopefully, the Supreme Court will see the mistake of even allowing the prop on the ballot and dishonor it. Of course, the “traditionalists” will probably try to get in on the next ballot through legislation, but with a Democrat controlled state congress, it should easily be shot down.
Personally, I think the whole majority thing is BS. I mean the ballot passed with less than 500,000 votes more. Shouldn’t anything that changes the very structure of the government at least require a 2/3 decision? We’ve been discussing government procedures in my American Government class, so I know a little bit about the procedure of government.
I might not be a citizen of California, but I urge and plead with the court to agree with the lawsuit. As for anyone else, get out there and protest. Do it right (don’t break any laws) and make some influence. We already lost similar measures this year in Florida and Arizona; lets fight for this one and set some precedence for the country.
More than anything, I urge my readers to pray to whatever or whoever they believe in. If God does truly hate fags, maybe we can change his mind. Go forth!

Prop 8 affects us all

Hey everyone! We are at an exciting point in our nation. Tomorrow we will have either our first African American president or female vice president in the history of our nation. I’m writing this from Creative Writing around 12:30 on Tuesday, so I don’t know who won yet. But by midnight, we will know who changes history.

Personally, it really doesn’t matter to me who wins the election. Neither candidate offers anything special one way or another that would sway my choice, so it’s not that big a deal. However, there is one thing that I’m anxious to hear the results about: California’s Proposition 8.

In case you’ve been living on a rock these past months, the California Supreme Court deemed the ban on same-sex marriage unconstitutional in May. Since then, hundreds of gay and lesbian couples have tied the knot. However, so-called “family values” traditionalists have proposed Prop 8, which changes the California State Constitution and defines marriage as between a man and women. Their campaign has been a heinous, untruthful attack on the LGBT community. Most politicians and public figures have spoken out against Prop 8, including Brad Pitt, Governor Schwarzenegger, and many, many more.

How does this affect little ol’ me here in Kansas? Trust me, it does. It affects the entire LGBT community of the United States. If it’s passed, it’s a huge blow to gay rights and hate and discrimination will triumph. If it fails, it will be a humongous milestone for us. California has been known as one of the most progressive states in America. Other states have been known to follow suit. In fact, Massachusetts and Connecticut have also lifted the ban on same-sex marriage after California. Hopefully, other states will do so also.

It’s gonna take a long time. It may be decades before gay couples can marry anywhere in the US. Several states have marriage defined in their constitutions as between a man and women.

Tomorrow, I’ll make another post on the election results. My personal life has also been great, but that’s another post entirely :P. DON’T FORGET TO GET OUT THERE AND VOTE! YOUR RIGHTS DEPEND ON IT! NO ON PROP H8TE!

Halloween Cometh

Hey everybody! It’s getting to be that time of year when the leaves start to fall and the air becomes chillier: it is autumn, and winter is fast approaching. This time of change is usually accompanied by changing weather, dramatic films for Oscar season, and my personal favorite holiday: Halloween. Of course, there’s also Thanksgiving, but that is for another post.
Today I want to focus on Halloween. It is my favorite because I love dressing up and using my creativity to create a fantastic costume. This year, a couple friends and I are taking inspiration from my favorite movie, Showgirls, and dressing up as the characters. We haven’t decided who we’re going to be (I’m on the fence between Zach, Nomi, or Al). Don’t worry; I’ll post pictures. We are also doing Trick or Treat So Kids Can Eat with our thespian troupe. It’s a charity where we trick or treat like children do, only collecting canned goods instead of candy.
Halloween is very popular with the LGBT community. We can shine, get away from our lives for one day, and become someone else. However, one has to careful partaking of the festivities. Any gay basher can easily target you on Halloween. Not only does most everything happen at night, but darkness allows them to lurk without detection, and they can easily disguise themselves. No one is going look the other way if they see a masked figure holding some sort of weapon.
Be careful, and travel in groups. I hate to condone violence, but you may want to keep pepper spray or a bat in your car, in case someone attacks. Make sure you have a cell phone to call for help, also. By no means should you feel scared or intimidated; go out and enjoy yourself.
Gays and lesbians are also targets of pranksters looking to create mischief and wreak havoc on property. It is important to not overreact (and potentially get charged for something yourself); just keep your eyes open. A well-lit yard should deter most, but some like to sit on the porch and keep an eye on things. On the other side, don’t do anything stupid yourself.
If you are attending a party, club, or other LGBT event, use the same precautions you would any other day, only heightened. Don’t drink if you’re underage, never go home with someone you don’t know if you’re under 18, and practice safe sex. This is especially true of attending haunted houses. In bigger cities, stories of rape, assault, and even homicide are connected to these attractions.
A lot of crazies come out (no pun intended) on the 31st, and you don’t want to be a victim. As LGBT, we already have enough to deal with. This one night of the year is a great time to unwind and get away from our troubles. Enjoy it, and don’t eat too much candy!

My First Post In A Long Time

Hey everyone! I know it’s been a couple months since I lasted posted anything on here. In fact, I think it was June or July. Regardless, I’ve been extremely busy transitioning into senior year, and simply haven’t had the time. In fact, I’m writing this from my creative writing class, and I’ve written a couple other blog posts that I never got around to putting on the site. This time, I’m forcing myself to post it. But instead of posting them all at once, I figured I write this new one and merely collate the numerous experiences I’ve had since my last post.
As I mentioned before, I just started my senior year of high school. It doesn’t really any different than any other year, expect for the numerous deadlines of scholarships, college class papers, and the tough new classes I’m taking. I couldn’t get senioritis if I tried; there’s too much to do. In addition to my library job (which I’ve held for over a year now; woot!) I recently joined the school Spirit Squad as the new mascot. I’ve wanted to do cheerleading since last year, but my job interfered with practice, and wasn’t possible. As the mascot, I only have to go to a few practices each season, so I can fulfill my dream of being on the Spirit Squad and work. I love mascoting; the young children make it so much fun. I’ve also gotten to know the cheerleaders, who are all very sweet girls. I’m might not be advancing in the ranks of popularity or getting the standard football player boyfriend, but I’m enjoying my position immensely.
Speaking of boyfriends, I have since had my first AND broken up with him. We met over Facebook, and began to talk online. Not long after, he asked me out over the phone and we were set to meet in person two weeks later at my school’s Homecoming game and go on to the dance. Alas, he broke up with me the night before, leaving me dateless. Apparently, his heart belonged to another guy. But it’s really not too big a deal. I had a feeling we weren’t compatible anyway, and I still had tons of fun at the dance (I ended up going with my girlfriend Chelsie, who was also recently jilted.) As I told my friends, I wasn’t heartbroken because he ended it, but pissed because I had no way of signing up another date before the next day.
As for life in general, things are pretty calm right now. I haven’t had any major beefs with homophobic classmates (yet) or anything of that nature. Apparently, there were hushed whisperers a couple weeks ago wondering if I was in the process of coming out (a process I completed in March,) but that’s about it. I still wish I would have taken a guy to Homecoming, but it just wasn’t in the cards.
I’m sorry I missed out on a post on National Coming Out Day, but hopefully I’ll get some stuff up for Gay History Month (it’s October.) Also, I plan to share my editorials from newspaper on here. This is goodbye for now, everybody. TTYL!

Embrace Diversity

The other day, I had an argument with a friend I've known all my life. I'll spare you the details; they're all pretty insane. However, it all culminated to him saying I forced my homosexuality onto others.

This really hurt. What exactly did he even mean? He said "When you meet someone, the introduction is 'I'm Paul, and I'm gay.'"

Let me ask this: what's wrong with that?

First off, there are so many thing that straight people cannot ever understand about being gay, no matter how much they want to. I don't care how queer friendly they are, if they don't live with it they don't get it.

Being gay doesn't make us different from anyone else. It's society who tells us we are different. And if you celebrate that "difference" you are either applauded or attacked.

I hate to sound pessimistic, but society is not ready to accept homosexuality. One day it will be, but that day is a long way off. And until then, pride is the only weapon we have. I wish I didn't have wear my rainbow gear, and I wish it didn't mattered, but it does. And that's why gay pride is so important.

A very wise person once told me that tolerance is just as bad as hate. Tolerance says we know it's there, and we can't stop it. So don't tolerate diversity. EMBRACE IT. Shout out the world.

Before I came out, I was on self-destruct. My secret tore me up inside and left long-lasting wounds. When I finally announced and embraced my difference, I began to heal. The only way I can heal is to continue to embrace my difference.

So, ladies and gentleman, pride isn't about pissing off straight people. It's about letting yourself heal. And while being out isn't an option for everyone because of their location or living situation (especially if you live in rural areas like myself, I'm just too hard-headed to hide,) for those of us who are it's an amazing experience. That's one of the reasons I refuse to date closeted people. Until you can learn to embrace your diversity, you can't have the self confidence of an out and proud person.

And straight people, if you think that being out and proud is "forcing your homosexuality" onto people, think of all the all the gay couples you see everyday. There are few. This is something we as homosexuals need to be happy and at peace. If you disagree with being gay, it's not my business. I can't change you. And because of that, I need to wear my rainbow bracelet.

EMBRACE DIVERSITY. REMEMBER, IT'S NOT WHAT PEOPLE CALL YOU. IT'S WHAT YOU ANSWER TO.

Love,
Paul, The Rural Rainbow.

My Trip-Part 1

Hey everyone! Sorry there hasn't been any posts; I just spent the last four days in Phoenix, Arizona at the National Students Againist Destructive Decisons Conference. It was an absolute blast and true learning experience.

My goal was to make post about my experience there, but so much happened! Thus, I will break it down into a few.

While at nationals, I had the oppurtunity to meet some very amazing new people. I met a lot of new friends, as I usually do and hope to keep in contact with them all. However, there was one girl in particular that was a true inspiration and breath of fresh air.

I had the extreme pleasure to meet Jeannie, a member of this year's Student Leadership Council. I had already heard about her through my state's SLC memeber after I came out, I'm glad I got to meet her.

We hit it off immeditaly. She and I were the only (out and proud, at least) homosexuals at the conference. Yes, out of the 600 some people, there were the two of us. I went to her workshop about embracing diversity and later that day at lunch, we talked a little bit, commenting on each others' rainbow attire and our mutual love of Traci Thoms.

Finally, at the last day of conference, I got to pie her face. You see, the SLC members were selling Mardi Gras style beads and friendship braclets to raise money for the SADD National Scholarship. Of course, one of the SLC members was this really cute guy who I thought might have liked me (of course, it's probably just wishful thinking) so I ended up buying like 20 beads trying to figure it out (great stradetgy, SLC!) The top 12 students who bought the most beads got to pie the SLC memeber of his/her choice. I, of course, picked my girl Jeannie, and not knowing my own strength, hit her so hard the graham cracker crust was stuck to her face. Of course, she was okay and with a hug, she wished me well and a Facebook friend request as I left for home.

See, it's people like these that gay teens need in their lives. To see someone like yourself as a grounded, positive indivudal is extremely uplifting. So, I may not have met a cute gay guy at Nationals. But I did meet a friend for life and a true role model. I just hope that one day I can make as much difference as Jeannie.

I wrote this one day a while back ago, not long after I came out. I had been putting up with a lot of shit and couldn't handle it anymore, so I posted it on Facebook. The comments I recieved from my classmates and peers were outstanding, and really opened my eyes. Whether you know it or not, people do care about you, whether you're gay or not. A few homophobes are sucky, but I found I had so much support than I would have ever thought.

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Okay, I'm sick of it. I have fucking had it. I've stood back and took for what seems an enternity, and it hasn't got any better. Now, I'm putting an end to it.

Guess what, people? I AM GAY. There. I said it out loud. It's not the first time, and probably not the last, but it's there. And I've had to listen to your bigotry, your intolerance, and your hate for far, far too long.

I pretend it doesn't bother me. All the "faggot this, homo that." The incessent giggling and hushed whispers when I come into the room. Aggressive questions about who I'm bringing to prom. And for a long time, I didn't think it would bother me. But recently, I've realized how much it does and how much it truly hurts. I'm a very thick skinned person. I've handled being short, having glasses, being unathlectic with gusto for years and years. I didn't think of all things people would hate me because I'm gay.

Then another thought crossed my mind. As thick-skinned as I am, what about all the other teens who aren't straight, who take more hurt from your hateful comments? Who is going to speak for them?

I am.

It ends NOW. I simply won't take it any more. The days of sitting in the back, trying to brush it off are over. I simply want to go to school, feel safe and secure, and live my life. I'm not asking you to convert to homosexuality, but to merely realize there are other people than straight people.

And none of that "you're the only one" bullshit. Because I'm not. There are so many more of us than you can ever imagine, and we are still subjected to hate and intolerance everyday. Holy shit, people. It's 2008! I figured by now we wouldn't be so fucking hateful.

I didn't "bring this on myself." That's another thing that pisses me off: people who act supportive but say "You brought upon yourself." Believe me, I didn't ask to be the person I am: I just am. Being gay is NOT a "choice"; it's like hair color-you're born with it, you can dye, but it's still the same hair color underneath. You can go to church and be "healed", but underneath you are still gay. I don't care what anyone says. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna cower in a corner and hide. FUCK THAT.

It's really not much to ask for. Just put yourself in the shoes of others. And I'm not trying to be a preachy, whiny, "let's all love each other and be best friends!" kind of person. DO NOT INTERPRET THIS AS THAT. This is a declaration of war, not againist a culture or country, but againist hate. Because what you are? That's cold-hard terrorism: plain and simple. I may not use violence (so this isn't a threat, people) but I will use every single other part of an arsenal I can. WHO'S WITH ME?

And if you are also gay or discriminated againist in any way, it's time to stand. We all need to band together and be there for each other. We are all we got. There is nothing wrong with the way we feel. I don't give a fuck about what some book written when people thought the Earth was flat says about gays and lesbians.

We already live in a world filled with so much hate and spite. Aren't you sick of it too?

My coming out editorial

For those of you who didn't get to read it, below is my editorial. And if you still don't get the metaphor, just ask me and I'll tell you. It's really not too hard to figure out, y'all. Love Paul
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For the last couple of years, I have held a deep secret about myself. It’s something that has caused much confusion and long nights of thinking and wishing it wasn’t true. Now, I have came to terms with myself and am ready to shout it out the world: I love the Wizard of Oz!

There, I said it. *Heavy sigh*

It all began a few years back, when I watched the movie for the first time in years. Suddenly, I was drawn into the magnificent fantasy world over the rainbow. Since then, that rainbow has been a major part of my life ever since.

Why would I keep this dark secret quiet? As much as our society likes to pretend otherwise, it is not very accepting of us friends of Dorothy (quite a few of these haters live in Kansas ironically.) I don’t know if they despise the flying monkeys or the flamboyant munchkin costumes, but movie bigots seem drawn to condemn this fanciful flick and those who watch it over and over. They even discount we Oz-philes’ contributions to society for some reason. Maybe it’s because there are witches in the movie, and the Bible states that witchcraft is blasphemy?

My only salvation during this hard time were fellow WOO (anagram) enthusiasts I met on the net. In fact, for the last few months I’ve been confiding my feelings in a long-graduated friend of Dorothy. While I cannot say his name, I want him to know his help recently has been majorly appreciated. I’ve also told a close knit group of friends about my movie fixation.

They have been nothing short of wonderful. Thanks, guys!

The true purpose of my shocking confession is hope that my startling revelation will help other undisclosed WOO fans let the world know their secret. I tell you... it’s OK to admit that you love Kansas’ most famous movie! The Scarecrow, the Lion, Tin Man, yellow bricks... they rule.

I gotta tell you: I’ve never been happier than this moment. I know that there will be some repercussions to me leaving the metaphorically sad, dark, black-and-white world and finally entering the wonderful technicolor land that is Oz. But I’m glad I did.

About me

Now that you know what this blog is all about, let me introduce me.

My name is Paul, and I will be a senior this next school year. I'm devoting my final year to spreading tolerance and love. My passion is for writing and journalism, and I devote much of my energy to my high school newspaper. I'm also an active member in Students Againist Destructive Decisions (shocker, I know. Yes, not all gays are into hard drugs and booze,) Drama Club, StuCo, and FFA (I will be our club's first openly gay officer this year.) I always win Spirit Week and I'm always up to something.

I'm not one of those guys who knew exactly when they knew they were gay. I had dated girls in middle school and freshman year, but there was always something missing. As much as I cared about them, something wasn't there. It was very confusing. Of course, these girls were always close friends before we started dating, so of course I cared about them.

I came out in big fashion, which is my style. I had always planned to use the school newspaper to come out. My advisor and principal wouldn't let me print it unless I used a metaphor. So I did (you can read the editorial on the site; it's posted) and of course, no one got it. So I had to explain on Facebook (which is how my mom found out; she started an account the day I posted it).

My parents are very supportive and real troopers for all the stuff I put them through (mostly from my avid support of fallen celebs like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, or defending my not being a Christian.) My younger sister is very defensive of me (almost to the point of my embarrassment) and I have several friends who defend me daily. My best friend Shauni is especially great. She is the best friend I could ever wish for.

So, that's condensed version of my life. So much other shit goes down, but that's the point of this blog; to document it. Thanks for reading it.

Britney forever,
Paul, The Rural Rainbow

The Second First Post

Okay, I did this once already but it was deleted. This is my first post: an introduction and welcome to my blog Rural Rainbow.

Yes, an odd name I know. Let me explain.

My name is Paul and I'm an upcoming senior in a 3-A high school in a small rural Kansas town. It is what you would expect of a small town: very traditional, very close-knit, and very boring.

That is, unless, you happen to be gay. Which I am. Thus explaining the name, Rural Rainbow.

The goal of this blog is to share my experiences as the lone out gay in a one-queer town (yes, an exaggeration, I know, but that's what it feels like.) It's not just gays, either. It's anyone who is different in anyway. We put up with so much shit we need a place to unwind. Hopefully I can help others in the same situation get through their troubles. Irregardless, this is going to be a fun blog that anyone can read and relate to. I hope you will enjoy.

Peacefully yours,
Paul, The Rural Rainbow