My Trip-Part 1

Hey everyone! Sorry there hasn't been any posts; I just spent the last four days in Phoenix, Arizona at the National Students Againist Destructive Decisons Conference. It was an absolute blast and true learning experience.

My goal was to make post about my experience there, but so much happened! Thus, I will break it down into a few.

While at nationals, I had the oppurtunity to meet some very amazing new people. I met a lot of new friends, as I usually do and hope to keep in contact with them all. However, there was one girl in particular that was a true inspiration and breath of fresh air.

I had the extreme pleasure to meet Jeannie, a member of this year's Student Leadership Council. I had already heard about her through my state's SLC memeber after I came out, I'm glad I got to meet her.

We hit it off immeditaly. She and I were the only (out and proud, at least) homosexuals at the conference. Yes, out of the 600 some people, there were the two of us. I went to her workshop about embracing diversity and later that day at lunch, we talked a little bit, commenting on each others' rainbow attire and our mutual love of Traci Thoms.

Finally, at the last day of conference, I got to pie her face. You see, the SLC members were selling Mardi Gras style beads and friendship braclets to raise money for the SADD National Scholarship. Of course, one of the SLC members was this really cute guy who I thought might have liked me (of course, it's probably just wishful thinking) so I ended up buying like 20 beads trying to figure it out (great stradetgy, SLC!) The top 12 students who bought the most beads got to pie the SLC memeber of his/her choice. I, of course, picked my girl Jeannie, and not knowing my own strength, hit her so hard the graham cracker crust was stuck to her face. Of course, she was okay and with a hug, she wished me well and a Facebook friend request as I left for home.

See, it's people like these that gay teens need in their lives. To see someone like yourself as a grounded, positive indivudal is extremely uplifting. So, I may not have met a cute gay guy at Nationals. But I did meet a friend for life and a true role model. I just hope that one day I can make as much difference as Jeannie.

I wrote this one day a while back ago, not long after I came out. I had been putting up with a lot of shit and couldn't handle it anymore, so I posted it on Facebook. The comments I recieved from my classmates and peers were outstanding, and really opened my eyes. Whether you know it or not, people do care about you, whether you're gay or not. A few homophobes are sucky, but I found I had so much support than I would have ever thought.

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Okay, I'm sick of it. I have fucking had it. I've stood back and took for what seems an enternity, and it hasn't got any better. Now, I'm putting an end to it.

Guess what, people? I AM GAY. There. I said it out loud. It's not the first time, and probably not the last, but it's there. And I've had to listen to your bigotry, your intolerance, and your hate for far, far too long.

I pretend it doesn't bother me. All the "faggot this, homo that." The incessent giggling and hushed whispers when I come into the room. Aggressive questions about who I'm bringing to prom. And for a long time, I didn't think it would bother me. But recently, I've realized how much it does and how much it truly hurts. I'm a very thick skinned person. I've handled being short, having glasses, being unathlectic with gusto for years and years. I didn't think of all things people would hate me because I'm gay.

Then another thought crossed my mind. As thick-skinned as I am, what about all the other teens who aren't straight, who take more hurt from your hateful comments? Who is going to speak for them?

I am.

It ends NOW. I simply won't take it any more. The days of sitting in the back, trying to brush it off are over. I simply want to go to school, feel safe and secure, and live my life. I'm not asking you to convert to homosexuality, but to merely realize there are other people than straight people.

And none of that "you're the only one" bullshit. Because I'm not. There are so many more of us than you can ever imagine, and we are still subjected to hate and intolerance everyday. Holy shit, people. It's 2008! I figured by now we wouldn't be so fucking hateful.

I didn't "bring this on myself." That's another thing that pisses me off: people who act supportive but say "You brought upon yourself." Believe me, I didn't ask to be the person I am: I just am. Being gay is NOT a "choice"; it's like hair color-you're born with it, you can dye, but it's still the same hair color underneath. You can go to church and be "healed", but underneath you are still gay. I don't care what anyone says. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna cower in a corner and hide. FUCK THAT.

It's really not much to ask for. Just put yourself in the shoes of others. And I'm not trying to be a preachy, whiny, "let's all love each other and be best friends!" kind of person. DO NOT INTERPRET THIS AS THAT. This is a declaration of war, not againist a culture or country, but againist hate. Because what you are? That's cold-hard terrorism: plain and simple. I may not use violence (so this isn't a threat, people) but I will use every single other part of an arsenal I can. WHO'S WITH ME?

And if you are also gay or discriminated againist in any way, it's time to stand. We all need to band together and be there for each other. We are all we got. There is nothing wrong with the way we feel. I don't give a fuck about what some book written when people thought the Earth was flat says about gays and lesbians.

We already live in a world filled with so much hate and spite. Aren't you sick of it too?

My coming out editorial

For those of you who didn't get to read it, below is my editorial. And if you still don't get the metaphor, just ask me and I'll tell you. It's really not too hard to figure out, y'all. Love Paul
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For the last couple of years, I have held a deep secret about myself. It’s something that has caused much confusion and long nights of thinking and wishing it wasn’t true. Now, I have came to terms with myself and am ready to shout it out the world: I love the Wizard of Oz!

There, I said it. *Heavy sigh*

It all began a few years back, when I watched the movie for the first time in years. Suddenly, I was drawn into the magnificent fantasy world over the rainbow. Since then, that rainbow has been a major part of my life ever since.

Why would I keep this dark secret quiet? As much as our society likes to pretend otherwise, it is not very accepting of us friends of Dorothy (quite a few of these haters live in Kansas ironically.) I don’t know if they despise the flying monkeys or the flamboyant munchkin costumes, but movie bigots seem drawn to condemn this fanciful flick and those who watch it over and over. They even discount we Oz-philes’ contributions to society for some reason. Maybe it’s because there are witches in the movie, and the Bible states that witchcraft is blasphemy?

My only salvation during this hard time were fellow WOO (anagram) enthusiasts I met on the net. In fact, for the last few months I’ve been confiding my feelings in a long-graduated friend of Dorothy. While I cannot say his name, I want him to know his help recently has been majorly appreciated. I’ve also told a close knit group of friends about my movie fixation.

They have been nothing short of wonderful. Thanks, guys!

The true purpose of my shocking confession is hope that my startling revelation will help other undisclosed WOO fans let the world know their secret. I tell you... it’s OK to admit that you love Kansas’ most famous movie! The Scarecrow, the Lion, Tin Man, yellow bricks... they rule.

I gotta tell you: I’ve never been happier than this moment. I know that there will be some repercussions to me leaving the metaphorically sad, dark, black-and-white world and finally entering the wonderful technicolor land that is Oz. But I’m glad I did.

About me

Now that you know what this blog is all about, let me introduce me.

My name is Paul, and I will be a senior this next school year. I'm devoting my final year to spreading tolerance and love. My passion is for writing and journalism, and I devote much of my energy to my high school newspaper. I'm also an active member in Students Againist Destructive Decisions (shocker, I know. Yes, not all gays are into hard drugs and booze,) Drama Club, StuCo, and FFA (I will be our club's first openly gay officer this year.) I always win Spirit Week and I'm always up to something.

I'm not one of those guys who knew exactly when they knew they were gay. I had dated girls in middle school and freshman year, but there was always something missing. As much as I cared about them, something wasn't there. It was very confusing. Of course, these girls were always close friends before we started dating, so of course I cared about them.

I came out in big fashion, which is my style. I had always planned to use the school newspaper to come out. My advisor and principal wouldn't let me print it unless I used a metaphor. So I did (you can read the editorial on the site; it's posted) and of course, no one got it. So I had to explain on Facebook (which is how my mom found out; she started an account the day I posted it).

My parents are very supportive and real troopers for all the stuff I put them through (mostly from my avid support of fallen celebs like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, or defending my not being a Christian.) My younger sister is very defensive of me (almost to the point of my embarrassment) and I have several friends who defend me daily. My best friend Shauni is especially great. She is the best friend I could ever wish for.

So, that's condensed version of my life. So much other shit goes down, but that's the point of this blog; to document it. Thanks for reading it.

Britney forever,
Paul, The Rural Rainbow

The Second First Post

Okay, I did this once already but it was deleted. This is my first post: an introduction and welcome to my blog Rural Rainbow.

Yes, an odd name I know. Let me explain.

My name is Paul and I'm an upcoming senior in a 3-A high school in a small rural Kansas town. It is what you would expect of a small town: very traditional, very close-knit, and very boring.

That is, unless, you happen to be gay. Which I am. Thus explaining the name, Rural Rainbow.

The goal of this blog is to share my experiences as the lone out gay in a one-queer town (yes, an exaggeration, I know, but that's what it feels like.) It's not just gays, either. It's anyone who is different in anyway. We put up with so much shit we need a place to unwind. Hopefully I can help others in the same situation get through their troubles. Irregardless, this is going to be a fun blog that anyone can read and relate to. I hope you will enjoy.

Peacefully yours,
Paul, The Rural Rainbow